10 outrageous things that happen in exams in France

Happy New Year everyone! It’s 2016, heads down let’s focus.

After a very short but lovely visit home seeing friends and family and a lovely week skiing with my parents and partying with some great people for New Year at Club Med in Alpe d’Huez, it was time to return to uni. There were a few things which just absolutely threw me and would just be darn right illegal in UK university season. I just had to share them, so here goes:

1. There is no revision period and you have 2-4 hour exams every day. At the end of a very intense semester of classes and work, you look forward to the two-week break and hope to relax a bit and then ease yourself back into work mode. My holidays were full on non-stop which was great fun, however revision had to be fit in somewhere along with writing my literature essay. First day back and we have a two-hour exam, the MCQ part of which I didn’t even know would be a part of it. They really should tell us before the holidays what the format of the exam is. Well this turned into the most mentally-exhausting week to date. Constantly revising for the exam the following day and they only went up in intensity. And the essay to hand in at the end of the week was the cherry on the cake. When would this ever happen in the UK? You have at least a week before exams start properly and then you have a few days minimum between each exam to revise. Live the long old days!!

2. The invigilator is late to the exam. This was just ridiculous. We get told to be there at 13:30 to start at 14:00 and someone else has to let us into the exam room at 13:45, give out our papers and start the exam because the guy that’s supposed to be doing it hasn’t turned up yet. 14:02 and he turns up, kisses the lady Happy New Year, starts unpacking his briefcase and then walking up and down with his squeaky shoes. If you can’t turn up on time, don’t start putting my concentration off even more.

3. There is no announcement to start the exam. As soon as people sit down they’re writing notes on the draft paper. As soon as people have the exam paper in front of them, they turn it over and start working before everyone has theirs. There’s no robotic announcement that the exam starts now and finishes at such and such a time. Where is the equality that they lark on about so much?!

4. The invigilator has to correct the exam paper. So the guy was late, but he did point out that there were words missing from one of the multiple choice questions. Did someone even check the questions or does the green squiggly line in Word not mean anything?

5. The exam is a race. The aim apparently is to leave as soon as you can after the first hour. Write your answer, beam, baff, boom! At Nottingham, you’d be quite shocked to see somebody walk out of an exam after one hour for a two-hour exam and it’d be quite rare. Here, it’s rare to be one of the last in the exam room! At the end of my first exam I was one of three left.

6. The teachers come to speak to you during your exam. A little question to ask how you’re doing, a pause to inform you of your grade you got in your oral exam before the holidays, giving out work for the next weeks’ classes, no thank you. If we’re not stressed enough, you’re not helping by diverting our train of thought.

7. You go to the toilet unaccompanied. No way would this ever happen in the UK. You’re followed to the toilet, practically timed to see if it’s possible for you to cheat and it’s written on your exam paper that you left the room during the exam. In France they’re easy-going, leave as and when you will, no need to ask for permission. For grading so harshly, I would only expect the strictest exam conditions!

8. Pencil cases don’t need to be transparent. People bring their own pencil cases with all sorts of things in them and Tippex is allowed (the relevance of this is because mine got taken away from me during a German exam because it had writing printed into the plastic). The invigilators need to be able to see everything going on on your desk at all times in the UK.

9. Keep your bags and phones on you as long as they’re off. Obviously it is a safety measure that nobody steals your things during the exam if they’re with you in France as opposed to putting your things at the back of the hall as a measure taken to avoid people cheating in the UK. I’m not accusing anybody of anything, it’s just that this is just ludicrous for if people do give in to the temptation sitting by their feet (to be explained in no.10).

10. YOU have to MOVE to get more paper. I thought an invigilator’s job was pretty clearly defined, you watch the students to check for cheating, if they need something etc. The French have a very different idea. They don’t watch what’s going on in the room, they have a chat amongst themselves or they’re doing their own work on their computers or their heads are in a book. You have your hand up to ask for more paper and they don’t see so people resort to getting up and going to the desk to get it themselves. Twice I put my hand up to ask for more paper, I waved, tapped on the desk, “cleared my throat” (all to avoid having to ask the person next to me to move so I could go and get the paper myself). I had to resort to “Monsieur” to which he just looked at me with a confused expression and I had to ask for paper, it didn’t come naturally to him as to why I had to speak during an exam. I couldn’t believe it, especially the second time.

I’m obviously not a fan of exams and I am a strong believer that the conditions should be the fairest they can be, but this past week just took the mick. If you’re gonna mark us in such a cut-throat manner, you can at least give us the best chances to do well. I can’t be alone it that surely?